Dating with a broken heart can be tempting as a way to dull the pain from the ending of a relationship. Some might advise you just start over and get out there again. Nevertheless, until proper healing and learning from previous experiences happens, it can lead to more pain from a different direction and repeating the cycle to find you in another situation that is not healthy for you. It is not worth the distraction. Learn to lean into your pain and learn from it, and how to care for yourself through it.
Things that help the broken heart process (that do not include dating or finding a new partner right away)
– Reconnect with old friends. Losing touch with your friends during your relationship happens, although we do not recommend it; we are human, and we get distracted by love. Forgive yourself for your change of focus, and ask your friends for support during your broken-hearted era.
– Make new friends and try a new activity as soon as possible. The more, the better; change your “set and setting,” your mindset, and your location. Get out and go to a new yoga class, retreat, or join a local hiking group. Just make sure it has nothing to do with dating; you’re focusing on yourself right now.
– Ask your family to check on you more often at the beginning of your heartbreak. If you have a supportive family, reach out to them. They can give you some of the “reconnection chemistry” your brain is missing from the one you lost. If you are in a place where you do not have a family that can support you, lean into that and join a group that offers support and get out of the same routines you may find yourself in.
– Give back! This may seem counterintuitive; after all, you are hurting with a broken heart. Yet, giving back can help you find a new source of Oxytocin that comes with connection and a sense of purpose. Volunteer with animals or the elderly if you like them. This may give you a perspective of gratitude for your circumstances.
– Read a book, a good book, then read another—one for pure enjoyment and distraction and the other for self-help. Pick a topic related to what you feel hurt about after the breakup. For example, did they meet someone else right away, and you are feeling replaced and insecure? Grab a book about finding your self-worth. If you do not like to read, there are podcasts on these topics and books you can listen to while going about your day.
– Take care of your body. Our bodies are so much more valuable and important to every part of our well-being. Daily self-care practice is vital, heartbreak or not, yet most important during a broken-hearted era. Take a walk every day you can, even when you do not feel like it. Get in the woods, a trail, or a gym if you can, and just be around people who are feeling healthy and strong. It can be contagious!
– Talk to someone you do not know about what you are feeling. Sometimes, a therapist is a great choice to let out all the feelings you are holding to someone who is unbiased and has experience holding space for others’ emotions. It can be so healing, and they can potentially help you figure out what you want in your life that your heartbreaker wasn’t offering you.
Remember, with gratitude, everything changes, and in time, you will be ready to love again with clarity and a healed heart.
