Here is a post by Hugh Willard, LPC, on anger...
Many, many of us in our society today have an anger problem. Our problem is that we have absolutely no idea of how to use and work with it. Healthy anger gives us proportionate energy to communicate our boundaries, usually when these boundaries have been violated. We tend to be over shooters (too much) and under shooters (too little) with our anger. Regrettably, many of us did not have healthy models in our families growing up; nor have we had enough healthy models in our local communities (ever go to a child’s sporting event and listen to the shouts from the stands?), or on the national stage (pick any number of TV programs, fictitious or reality).
Anger, in any form, is a secondary emotion. The primary emotion that always under girds and fuels our anger, is fear. While we won’t turn off years of mental programming overnight, it is never too late to start learning how to become allies and partners with our anger, so that it will ultimately serve us in the pursuit of health and healthier relationships. As we pay greater attention to our anger responses across experiences, through the dispassionate lens of hindsight, hopefully we can begin to critically judge our reactions.
We can ask ourselves, “what am/was I afraid of?” Exploring the underlying drivers can help us to better use and manage our anger. Where we chronically undershoot, we can work with techniques toward becoming more assertive and active in making choices. Where we overshoot, we can employ strategies to help us relax and slough off excess anger and stress not fitting for the experience at hand.
Read more about Hugh at willowwaycounseling.org