Self-Compassion – A Kind Relationship with Self That You Must Cultivate
Self-compassion is a way for you to respond to yourself with the same level of kindness that you likely respond to others with. For many people, this is much easier said than done. Developing a relationship with yourself that is founded in understanding, acceptance, and gentleness is not always easy, but it is possible. 
To understand how to become more self-compassionate, it is important to first develop an understanding of the various components of self-compassion. A lot of us hear about self-compassion, but there is rarely a conversation about what that means in practice. Below are the three components of self-compassion, as described by Dr. Kristin Neff, a key researcher into this important practice. 

1. Self-Kindness: This first component means meeting yourself with warmth and understanding whenever you make mistakes, feel pain, or feel inadequate. To experience-self kindness, you must shift away from self-criticism. 
2. Common humanity: Part of self-compassion is recognizing that you are not alone in your suffering and that challenges are a part of the shared human experience. To embrace common humanity is to shift from thinking “I am the only one who makes mistakes” or “I am alone in this experience” to thinking “I am saddened by this, and I know it is normal to struggle”. 
3. Mindfulness: The final component of self-compassion is mindfulness. This means approaching your thoughts and feelings with a balanced, non-judgmental awareness. This means we neither diminish nor overamplify our thoughts and feelings. 

If there are aspects of these components that felt challenging for you – it is okay. Self-compassion is a conscious practice that takes time to develop. With time, intentionality, and support, you can tap into these components to give yourself the level of empathetic understanding that you may be looking for. Having a kinder relationship with yourself means shifting away from being judgmental and critical of your own thoughts, actions, and qualities. This shift does not mean that you cannot address areas in which you would like to change or that you cannot challenge yourself to grow. It does mean that the journey toward your goals may be less daunting. 
If you are ready to begin developing this more compassionate relationship with yourself, you can learn more at https://self-compassion.org/. You can reach out to a counselor when you are ready to begin putting these principles into practice and making changes in the ways that will matter to you most.

Janet Slay, LCMHCA 
www.carolinacounselingwellness.com

​
​The College Student Transition – Tips to Navigate the Whirlwind of Change 

• The college student transition often comes with oodles of change and a lot of emotions. Students may feel excitement, joy, and relief because of the newfound freedom and the opportunities in front of them. Others may feel overwhelmed, anxious, or sad because of the separation from family or the pressure to figure things out on their own. Many students experience a combination of these emotions, and many more. Adjusting takes time and it is important to take care of yourself as you settle into a new normal. Below are some tips on how to take care of yourself as you navigate uncharted territory in college

1. Give Yourself Time: In the first few days, weeks, and months of college there is a lot going on. You may be adjusting to a new living environment, getting a handle on your classes, working to connect with other students, and trying to manage your emotions about all these things. It’s okay if it’s taking time to feel comfortable with these changes or if you do not feel immediately settled. Give yourself some grace as you adjust. It may be helpful to remind yourself that other students are also trying to work out the kinks and that you are not alone in this experience. 
2. Identify Your Warning Signs for Stress: We’ve all been there – feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or anxious because things are getting hard. Tuning into when these feelings are starting to rise can help you care for yourself in those moments. Reflect on past experiences that caused you to stress (perhaps it was a challenging test, a conflict with a family member, or a previous transition) and try to write down how it impacted you. Did you cry it out, distract yourself, avoid loved ones, get a headache, or have a hard time sleeping? These things, and many others, can be signs that you’re feeling stressed. These warning signs are often good cues that you may need to pause and utilize helpful coping strategies.
3. Use Those Coping Strategies: Speaking of coping…these strategies come in all different shapes and sizes. This might include exercise, journaling, drawing, going for a walk, talking with friends, taking a break from your phone, and much more. When you notice your stress warning signs, try to do something that you know will make you feel better and won’t have any negative consequences. You may be surprised how helpful a 10-minute walk in the sun can be when you’re feeling down!
4. Treat Your Body Well: Nourishing your body is important and can also help you nourish your mind. This may look different for everyone, but everyone can benefit from ensuring they are getting enough sleep, eating nutritious tasty meals, getting in some movement, and showering. Creating a routine for these things may take time, but prioritizing taking care of your physical self can make big difference in how you feel! 
5. Utilize the Resources Around You: You don’t have do manage everything alone. Every college is different, but many provide students access to the following: 
   1. Libraries: This may include access to study spaces, online catalogs for books, and professionals who can help you navigate all that is available. 
   2. Academic support: Professors may provide office hours for questions/concerns, or they may have teaching assistants (TAs) who can help explain topics, providing support with assignments, or help with developing study habits.
   3. Affinity Groups: Campuses may have identify-specific supports related to race/ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion/spirituality, ability status, and more. Exploring these organization or campus offices may help you connect with others from similar backgrounds or those who have shared experiences. These connections can provide you with necessary support to flourish. 
   4. Academic/Career Advisor: These professionals can help you identify required coursework and assist with academic and/or career concerns. Talking with them early on can help you become more comfortable with reaching out for support throughout your entire academic career. Using these resources during the transition may help you feel better about the academic track you are on. 
   5. Computer/Printing Services: Check out your campus’s options for computer labs, printers, and software that may be needed. Knowing where these resources are can help with completing assignments and feeling prepared for class. 
   6. Tutors: There may be access to free academic support with tutors or writing coaches who are prepared to assist you. Finding these resources early can help you take advantage of them when they are needed. 
   7. Resident Assistants (RA): If you are living on campus, you may have an RA who lives in or around your building. RAs are there to support you, regardless of the concern. They are students too, and they have been where you are now. If you don’t know where to begin, ask them!
6. Seek Counseling: Everybody needs support. Reaching out to a mental health counselor can be important for maintaining your wellness throughout college. The transition to college can be a particularly challenging time for some students and many students have other stressors that may be compounding the effects of this transition.  You can seek support from your campus mental health resources or find a mental health counselor in the community. Counselors can help you identify your warning signs for stress, exploring helpful coping mechanisms, and help you overcome barriers to feeling good about yourself and the stage of life that you are in. 

Use these tips as helpful reminders that you can manage the changes that are ahead of you and it’s okay if you’re not quite sure how to do that. Good luck with your transition and reach out for support if you need it. There are people ready to help! 

By, Janet Slay, LCMHCA
www.carolinacounselingwellness.com

Anxiety is a tool each human being has been given. It is an instinctual energy that we use to guide us, to keep us safe, and help us make decisions that are for our best interest in our lives. When I begin to tell my new clients this information, they usually gasp in disbelief and resist this concept at first. It is the "disordered anxiety" also known in the mental health field, as an anxiety disorder, that causes us excess distress and trouble. The key to managing anxiety, along with many learned tools in therapy,  is to switch gears. Turn the problem inside out, and learn to work with your instinctual anxiety and not against it. We call this in my office, turn yourself inside out, and outside in...Changing the internal belief system that this chronic stress is a threat itself. 

​Today I am noting ten years since I found my way in terms of treating my own stressful patterns and anxiety differently. I use the nerves, stress, and internal guidance for my greater good. As a small child, I remember being fearful of most everything, bugs, tornadoes, and especially wolfs, (not sure where that came from) but it was a huge fear!

In my 20's and 30's, I worked hard to rid myself of my anxiety, denying it's power, it seemed to overtake me at times. Then the shift happened, around the time I was studying psychology, and clinical counseling, through Cognitive Behavioral Practice, and Mindfulness, I learned that shifting and listening to myself instead of telling myself there was something wrong with the way I was feeling, I felt relief almost immediately. It is a practice, not a one time fix, to accept and listen the fears we experience as human beings. It is okay to be nervous, scared sometimes, and have anxiety around certain things. Humans are born with this instinct, to keep us safe. I tell my clients, anxiety is one of the most adaptable traits, and we are now going to practice learning how to love every part of you, and take care of every part of you, even the anxious part of you! When we listen, with mindfulness, and self compassion, to ourselves and value our needs and emotions, it takes our anxiety from a disordered level, to a manageable level. We learn to set boundaries with unhealthy behaviors and relationships, make self care a priority, and practice self compassion when we are feeling overwhelmed. 

I typically will use animals as a reference to this model of anxiety and mindfulness for stress reduction. The eagle is my favorite animal to use, so beautiful, wise, and protective.  The eagle does not apologize for its nerves, it owns the energy, and soars high above the ground honoring the safety of their nest and their young. There is nothing wrong with instinctual anxiety, it is our gift to honor and to take care of. With the assistance of a trained counselor, disordered anxiety can be treated and shifting into a life of mindful, intentional living. 
​
Jaclyn Fortier, LCMHCS
​www.carolinacounselingwellness.com

This is the first post in a while...for good reason. We have been BUSY! This year, I vowed to slow down, restore, and re-focus. It is interesting that in the third month of my "slow down with intention" we get a global pandemic on our hands to deal with. I am ready to help. I am here with a clear mind and (very clean hands) to assist others with their anxiety and mental health during this time of uncertainty.

I have been serving the mental health population for over a decade, with years as a certified crisis worker, and currently a clinical supervisor and practicing licensed mental health counselor in the RTP area of North Carolina. This pandemic is a mental health issue just as much as it is physical health issue. People are scattered right now emotionally, the uncertainty seems to be the common thread. Will things be cancelled, will I be able to work, will someone in my family get sick? 

Yesterday, I took a long walk around my favorite lake nearby, and noticed the energy shift in the air. People were smiling as I passed them like they usually do. Some were clearly connecting with me more intently, almost as to say, "it is all going to be okay"..with our eyes...

I am a preparer. I am a planner. I am also a health care provider who treats anxiety and crisis management. I believe in preparing for my family and myself, so I may serve others... 

This week, I have been reminded that being mindful and practicing mindfulness is key for managing our chronic stress and crisis mindset. Some of the core components of mindfulness are:

Identify what is in your circle of control- prepare mindfully, wisely, and enough for you to feel comfortable. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem, and identify ways that you can release what is out of your control with grace. 

Self compassion- (it is okay to be a little worried, anxiety can be a good energy source if harnessed correctly). Be kind to yourself with your thoughts.

Pay attention- (to the right information) keep up with the positive and action focused news not the scarcity mindset followers. Energy is more contagious than viral infections! Negative group think will affect you if you are overexposed. Limit the information you get to the experts. 

Practice distraction and self care- Be aware of yourself and your mood and if you are overwhelmed take a break. Hey, we are not supposed to be in large crowds..what a great excuse to stay off the grid, take a hike, go camping, or an extra long walk in the park...

We have been teaching mindful hand washing as a portable self care anxiety relief option for years. In our Dialectical Behavior groups we would do self soothing hand washing examples of how to regulate our emotions using our five senses. What a great excuse for self soothing bubbles and scrubbing those bad feelings away with a nice lemon scented soap.

Since the beginning of the "don't touch your face" recommendation..I can't tell you how many times I have had an itch or wanted to touch my face! MINDFULLY I have said to myself..sit with the urge, notice it, don't react to it...and it passed...This is such a powerful way to practice something that is already so good for us! Mindful awareness of the present moment (and good hygiene). 

Check in with your health care providers for support. Many of us in Wake County NC, my counseling practice included, and even the Veterans Administration here in Durham, are offering TELE-HEALTH during this time for those who feel overly anxious and need medical attention.

This is a mental and physical health care opportunity to be centered, wise minded, and refocus on what really matters. Compassion and human kindness. 

For us, this weekend will be full of hiking at the nature park, visiting local small businesses to help ease our pending financial economy crisis, and enjoying a little "introverted" off the grid time to rest and recover. 

Jaclyn Fortier, LCMHCS
www.carolinacounselingwellness.com