Self compassion, by Janet Slay, LCMHCA

Self-Compassion – A Kind Relationship with Self That You Must Cultivate
Self-compassion is a way for you to respond to yourself with the same level of kindness that you likely respond to others with. For many people, this is much easier said than done. Developing a relationship with yourself that is founded in understanding, acceptance, and gentleness is not always easy, but it is possible. 

To understand how to become more self-compassionate, it is important to first develop an understanding of the various components of self-compassion. A lot of us hear about self-compassion, but there is rarely a conversation about what that means in practice. Below are the three components of self-compassion, as described by Dr. Kristin Neff, a key researcher into this important practice. ​

1. Self-Kindness: This first component means meeting yourself with warmth and understanding whenever you make mistakes, feel pain, or feel inadequate. To experience-self kindness, you must shift away from self-criticism. ​
2. Common humanity: Part of self-compassion is recognizing that you are not alone in your suffering and that challenges are a part of the shared human experience. To embrace common humanity is to shift from thinking “I am the only one who makes mistakes” or “I am alone in this experience” to thinking “I am saddened by this, and I know it is normal to struggle”. 
3. Mindfulness: The final component of self-compassion is mindfulness. This means approaching your thoughts and feelings with a balanced, non-judgmental awareness. This means we neither diminish nor overamplify our thoughts and feelings. 

If there are aspects of these components that felt challenging for you – it is okay. Self-compassion is a conscious practice that takes time to develop. With time, intentionality, and support, you can tap into these components to give yourself the level of empathetic understanding that you may be looking for. Having a kinder relationship with yourself means shifting away from being judgmental and critical of your own thoughts, actions, and qualities. This shift does not mean that you cannot address areas in which you would like to change or that you cannot challenge yourself to grow. It does mean that the journey toward your goals may be less daunting. 
If you are ready to begin developing this more compassionate relationship with yourself, you can learn more at https://self-compassion.org/. You can reach out to a counselor when you are ready to begin putting these principles into practice and making changes in the ways that will matter to you most.

Janet Slay, LCMHCA 
www.carolinacounselingwellness.com