Everyone has done this from time to time, some more than others. Seek validation. If not, well that might be a bigger problem because when we care, we seek from others the same in return. Why is it though, that when we do not get the same in return we feel resentment, hurt, and even ANGER!
That is because we are possibly seeking validation from the wrong sources. Becoming more aware of why we seek validation from others is the first step in changes those feelings of negativity when we are not returned the favor for our "caring behaviors".
The point is clear "seek validation from yourself" or you may just be barking up the wrong tree...
Asking others to validate your self worth is not going to be fulfilling in the long run. Not only is it unfair to expect others to fill a void that they cannot, it is also setting yourself up for continued disappointment and needless suffering.
The key to healing this need for "external validation" is to realize that you are the secret to this hidden dimension. Your self worth, your self image, your self LOVE, is what is most likely screaming for attention and validation, and it is yourself that can only truly provide it. So looking elsewhere is just like my big ol' puppy barking up a tree for a squirrel that is just not there...
Where do you seek validation?
Practice by setting a daily intention to believe you are already whole, you are already enough, you are already loved, you are already____________.
Perfectly imperfect :)
I start my writing with a quote:
"There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any."
— Hugh Laurie
This week the topic has come up several times of letting go and why we choose to remain stuck in ways of thinking and behaving. This is a controversial topic as most who are "stuck" in the mindset at the present moment do not feel they have a choice to become "unstuck" so to say.
It also may feel to the person who is holding on to those feelings that it would be a disservice to let it go, as if it was not so bad after all. But wait. It was really bad, so I will hold on to it to prove how bad it really was.
Of course, if you are grieving the loss of a loved one, or another severe trauma, you may need more time to heal and to go through the stages of grief and loss. It is a different process.
Here I am talking about past BLAH. Insecurity, past relationships, family strife...that sort of thing. The kind of stuff that just follows you and gets in the way of your ability to receive joy and peace in the present moment.
Realizing that you have a choice is power. Everyday we have a choice. There is no such thing as waiting to be "ready". As the above states, NOW IS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY...
When is it time to let it go, NOW.
It is an intention, not a destination. Set it every day, and move in that direction.
Hint for next post "Barking up the wrong tree"...Check back soon.
What is the meaning of life? This has come up several times in session and it always fascinates me to hear the answers and common themes. The meaning of life can change for each of us at different times in our lives.
When we have had loss or trauma, we doubt meaning or feel we have been punished.
When we have victories and success, we define meaning by it. Is the meaning of life success? Is it love? Is it family? Is it to give back to others?
Is it just plain meaningless? (This is a common element I see in most of my client's suffering from depression).
So therefore it is key to find personal meaning in your life. It eases tension, helps you accept where you have been, and have compassion for where you are going.
The meaning of life for many could be something like this :
Overcoming and accepting suffering
Guiding others in overcoming suffering
The above statement has love, success, pain, loss, learning, and many other elements to it.
The key is to see the suffering as an opportunity to grow from it. It is not an indicator that something is wrong with you.
You are perfectly imperfect!
Still my quote of the week (maybe month) and going strong.
It is always an interesting observation~ watching others try to be "healthy". Trying to change to be like...someone they "should" be. Or think they will be happy once they get..."to that part of their life" I will be happy when I lose the baby weight, when I get married, when I get rid of that darn dog...haha.( Not for me I love my dog).
Ok now onto the real issue. Healthy is not what you look like, it is how you look at yourself. Do you like yourself? Do you feel that at this moment, if it was your last day on earth, you would be happy in reflecting the choices you made? Are you true to yourself, living your true life?
The answer is the most simple and complex all in one beautifully wrapped concept.
HEALTHY IS LOVING YOURSELF, ACCEPTING YOURSELF IN ALL PHASES OF YOUR LIFE, DOING YOUR BEST, AND LEARNING ALONG THE WAY. YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO BE PERFECT.
Perfectly imperfect is my phrase of the week.